Where have all the decades gone?

My niece and nephew, both a little over thirty-years-old, were discussing (on Facebook) how they feel like they are still in their twenties. And when my son turned thirty, he text'd me asking where his twenties went. And every new decade I enter, I'm wondering the same thing, only I'm decades from being twenty, thus my wondering is about thirty years ahead of theirs.

Our twenties went into making a home, getting used to being married, and raising little ones. We had to learn how to be responsible grown-ups. Making money and paying bills became priorities. We changed lots of diapers, well, I changed diapers, husbands just didnt' do that back then, stayed up too late, that too, would be me, he always got to bed on time, made a lot of meals, me again, and lived some of the most wonderful, exciting, enlightening, and enchanting times of our lives.

Raising children, is one of the greatest joys ever. I will never forget the feeling I got when each of my children smiled for the first time, or their first belly laughs. No hugs are as sweet as a childs. First steps, first words, first tooth, first Christmas. Memories of firsts, and seconds, and thirds, abound.  There's almost no joy as complete as being the parent of  little ones. More on that later.

We had children younger than many people do now-a-days, so we were really too young to face the challenges that came in the next decade. Along with a little one, Josh, we had two teens. Because of that, the decade between thirty and forty was the most difficult one I've experienced. I actually remember, and this is so not me, of sitting in the wooden playhouse in the back yard, and momentarily thinking of either leaving town and never returning, or getting the old 45 out of the closet and blowing my brains out. That thought lasted all of two seconds, but it shows that even the most normal moms can get overwhelmed at times.

I had no idea what to do with teens. Mine were too often sassy and rebellious. They lied, fought, struggled in school, and regularly made life miserable. It felt as though I was just getting out of my own teens, which were hard enough, and now I was supposed to discipline, make wise decisions, and give boundaries.  I wanted to be friends with my teens, not their enemy! But half the time that's the role they put me in.

Some moments were wonderful. Kari won some baton and modeling competitions, and still occasionally gave out her precious and hard-to-come-by hugs. Shawn excelled in football, and had a wonderful sense of humor, when he wasn't too busy picking on his siblings. Josh had a charming calm and friendly personality and was not only easy, but was still delighting me with some 'firsts', still shared hugs and kisses generously, and had a real zest for life and enthusiasm for everything.

The next decade was unfortunate because Josh became a teen about the time the other two grew out of it. All the sudden my perfect, wonderful, happy boy decided to try smoking and other stuff. He'd always excelled in school, loved basketball, and it was now a challenge to get him to get off his butt to do anything. We finally had to ask him to move out, and he did, and to this day he'll admit that changed his life. He's now a wonderful, responsible young man, and of course, one of my favorite people.


I would have to say though, that in the last of that decade, I was blessed with someone I never imagined I would love so much, my first grandchild, Tiffany. That child, now twenty, has given me so much joy that I can't even explain it. No, she absolutely isn't perfect, but even her teen years were fun for me. She was the beginning of the greatest adventure of my life, being a grandma. There's nothing I'd rather be. Sounds ridiculous maybe, but it trumps the whole mommy thing in so many ways. And Tiffy was as loyal as they come. Kari would ask her who she loved, and she'd say, "Mommy!" Then she'd whisper, "and grandma!" 

I never suffered from the empty nest syndrom, it was more like, oh my gosh, they are finally out of here! My fifties were filled with enjoying and indulging the grandkids, all six of them. I've done a lot of writing, made lots of friends, taken yoga and pilates, read lots of books, hiked, gone bike riding, and taken long walks. I've stood on a glacier, rode in a helicopter, watched the snow pile up and the lake freeze over at our home in Flagstaff, enjoyed gorgeous sunsets, gone dancing, and taken long moonlit rides in our convertible.

Life is good, no matter how old we get. Every age has its delights, and it's up to us to enjoy them. Jet skiing, football games, playing tag with the kids, baking cookies, trying to keep up in a basketball game with a five- year-old, running alongside an eight-year-old who only trusts grandma enough to give bike riding a try, all wondrous delights! Over the decades I've learned to enjoy the moments, forgive quickly, make things fun, and to love...regardless of the circumstances.